Setting the Tone for Conversations in Tech (and Life)

Introduction

AI is like bringing an eccentric genius onto your team—brilliant but risky if not managed right. While technology has huge potential, it’s not naturally human-friendly. How you frame conversations in human-centered design (HCD) can make or break creativity and inclusivity. Think of frames like setting the dinner table—they're not the meal, but they make everything work smoothly.

Too often, people focus on rigid rules—how long to talk, how to structure a meeting—missing what’s most important: creating the right mindset. Human-centered design isn't just jargon; it’s about building solutions that fit human needs. To do this well, you need two key frames, which are just guiding thoughts around a conversation—think of it like setting the table for dinner. It’s not the food that we all want to consume, but it does facilitate and provide a place for everything.

In my experience, the two biggest ones are being non-judgmental upfront and empathetic throughout. These set the stage for tech that truly enhances your organization instead of disrupting it. They’re also pretty solid guidelines for navigating conversations in life generally.

1. Non-judgemental

A lot of the time, when HCD folks talk about “frames”, they’re really interested in the concrete things, like the rules or expectations. “We’ll talk for X number of minutes”, “The conversation should be interactive”, “the interview should be semi-structured”, etc. These are helpful but they miss the mark on what frames should accomplish.

In my experience, what matters most is setting frames of being non-judgmental.

Humans are obsessed with how others see them, and we often feel we are under constant scrutiny, even when this is not the case (Gilovich, Medvec, & Savitsky, 2000). That need for validation drives everything from the shoes you wear to the comments you make (or avoid making) in meetings. We're hardwired to crave approval and avoid rejection. This isn’t just some ego trip; it’s a hard-wired survival instinct. Back in the day, being cast out of the tribe meant no food, no shelter, no protection. This is why today, approaching a stranger in public, saying something out of line with your supervisor, and dropping your groceries in the supermarket in front of everyone can be such anxiety-provoking prospects.

In fact, the mere anticipation of being evaluated makes us dial it back, playing it safe instead of taking risks and undermining our performance on certain tasks (Zajonc, 1965). This is especially so when we’re worried about looking bad on behalf of an important group identity (Steele, 1995)—the worry being “uh oh, I can’t mess this up… people will think that’s so typical of being a _____.” Consider that many people in professional settings suffer from impostor syndrome (Clance & Imes, 1978), and it’s no surprise that most people you’d want to workshop ideas with are afraid to answer or answer honestly. Instead, people conform, censor themselves, and leave bold, unconventional ideas on the cutting room floor. In group settings, the problem gets even worse. The result? Without setting the right frames, we get the same stale, uninspired ideas and opinions churned out over and over again.

A non-judgmental frame can mitigate the negative effects of evaluation apprehension by fostering psychological safety (Edmondson, 1999). Psychological safety just means shared belief within a group that it is safe to take interpersonal risks—such as sharing controversial opinions or proposing unconventional solutions—without fear of punishment or humiliation.

Oftentimes, when we design workshops with companies to learn about their hopes and frustrations, this is the first time they’ve ever been in a room with colleagues where they freely and openly express certain things they’ve felt at work. The result is powerful, and one of my favorite parts of my job. Don’t believe me?

Try it out with some friends or family members, and watch how radically different of a conversation you can have. Side note: I’ve applied this same frame for difficult conversations within my own company, and with conversations I regularly hold with my own family. The result is something deeper, more insightful, and healthier than an entire lifetime of happy hours or simple how-are-yous? But that’s a topic for another article I hope to write.

2. Empathy

If being non-judgmental sets the stage by explaining the rules, empathy is what keeps the conversation going by showing everyone how you uphold and honor those rules. People take the chance to offer something interesting, vulnerable, or unique, and you reward them by acknowledging their contribution and honoring their experience.

Hey Pete, this sounds obvious. No duh, of course we’ll be nice! But empathy isn't about being nice. Being nice is easy. Empathy is about being understanding—which is a far more difficult endeavor of the mind. Seeing the world from someone else’s perspective, feeling their frustrations, and anticipating their needs, is emotionally laborious and not naturally motivating. But in the realm of AI, empathy is crucial because, at the end of the day, the tech is designed for people, not machines.

It starts with truly listening to users—not just to what they say, but to what they don’t say. What causes friction in their day-to-day? What are the subtle frustrations that tech can solve or, on the flip side, accidentally make worse? It means observing people in their real work environments, holding focus groups to gather feedback, and most importantly, acting on that feedback (Leonard & Rayport, 1997). You know, talk being cheap and all.

One of the biggest mistakes companies make with their technology development is assuming that people will adapt easily just because the tool is “better” on paper. But without empathy, this “better” technology feels like a burden. The result? Resistance, frustration, and wasted potential. Empathic design ensures the technology fits seamlessly into existing processes and addresses real human pain points, making it more than just functional—it becomes valuable (Norman, 2004).

It also fosters trust. People are far more likely to trust a system if they believe their needs have been taken seriously (Mayer, Davis, & Schoorman, 1995). This is especially true when it comes to AI, where fear of job displacement or dehumanization often looms large. When leaders design with empathy, they show they’re not just pushing new tech for efficiency’s sake—they’re improving people’s work lives, making it easier, less stressful, and more rewarding.

Conclusion

In this article, we’ve discussed the importance of setting the right conversational frames—being non-judgmental and empathic—when integrating AI and technology in human-centered design. These frames create a foundation that fosters creativity, psychological safety, and trust, ensuring that the technology works for the people, not against them.

However, we haven't touched on the specific types of questions that can be asked to deepen these conversations. Questions like, “What are the biggest pain points in your daily workflow?”, “What’s the most meaningful moment you’ve experienced in the last year?”, which is a topic I’ll save for later.

For now, the takeaway is clear: set the right frames, approach AI with empathy, and you'll find it transforms your organization in ways that go beyond mere efficiency.

See you at the next one,

Pete